Ouch :(

My right chest hurts. More my lung than anything. It feels like the entire right side of my esophagus is irritated and my right lung just feels inflamed or something. Not 100% sure what is going on. But it is very annoying. My wounds are starting to hurt a bit more than usual as well and I'm completely exhausted. I wonder if I've just been pushing myself too much. I can't pick up my son without hurting and b/c of this pain the entire upper right side of my body hurts. Even one of my teeth hurts (but I think that is from gritting my teeth).

I'll get a weight report in a while, but my BS was at 128 when I tested a little while ago. And yes, it is almost 5pm. I said I was tired.

Yesterday's weight: 364
Current weight: 364
Weight Lost: 0 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 18 lbs

Huzzah!

My wife got me a great present last night which is significantly helping with the hatred of the diet I'm on. It is passing the time and keeping my mind off things.

On another note, I got in my protein last night but barely, and my god the protein shake was horrible. However, i got it done. I'm not craving salt as much either.

I lost a couple of pounds today, probably b/c I didn't eat as much as I should have yesterday. And did I mention that my chewable vitamins really do taste like vomit? Yeah, just what I want when I can't eat anything with them. Mmmmmm.

Yesterday's weight: 366
Current weight: 364
Weight Lost: 2 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 18 lbs

Soooooo sick of creamy

I'm so sick of creamy foods that I have basically gone back to a clear liquids (with added protein) I know they don't want me doing this, but I need to for at least a couple days, while I get away from it. Everything has cottage cheese or yogurt in it. I just want a good chicken broth, tomato soup or well, just something normal!

On Sept 8th I'll get the great opportunity to eat pureed "real" food. Such as tuna salad pureed. Or grilled cheese pureed. All with a consistency of mashed potatoes. At least I won't have to mess with my pudding, I'll be able to eat that straight. Mashed potatoes will be welcomed too. No skins or anything, but at least it won't be something with cottage cheese or yogurt or powdered milk. Ugh.

Whoever thinks that RNY (or any gastric bypass) is easy, think again. Just sit for a moment and think about all the foods you enjoy. Think about how you feel when you eat them, think about where you are and who you are with. Think about all the good things that happen while you're eating (typically). Now stomp on all those happy thoughts. No more! Ok, so that is a bit dramatic. But basically you'll be eating a lot less. And depending on your procedure you will be, for the rest of your life, limited in what you can and cannot eat. Because I got the Roux En Y I will never be able to eat high sugar, high fat foods without paying for it very quickly after. People who choose the gastric band are limited in what they can eat because if it will glob together (pasta, doughy bread, etc) it won't pass through the band and well, there's only one way out at that point. The sleeve probably offers the most options, but it still can have the effects that the RNY has. And apparently if I drink any sort of alcohol I'll get drunk very fast and off of very little. Which, probably has its benefits if you are a college frat boy. Not so much if you're a father of a 11 month old child who, pre-surgery enjoyed a glass of wine once a month or so just to relax and get some good healthy antioxidants in.

But seriously. It isn't easy. The surgery isn't easy. The recovery isn't easy. And basically ripping part of your life (your eating) out of yourself and drastically changing it, and your interaction with others while doing it, and then putting it back. Life will never be the same (not that it is a bad thing) and it is a tough choice that MUST be thought out and decided in a good state of mind. I already have felt kinda down that I'll never be able to pig out on pizza again while laughing at a pizza place. That I'll never be able to eat a full rack of ribs to the point that I feel like I'm going to burst. Or eat a triple baconator (mmmm heartattack). While it seems like "oh, no wonder you were fat" - everyone has their weaknesses. Everyone has their faults. Mine was food and eating (well, not the only one, but one of them).

I'll always be happy to answer any questions you have about the impact it has had (thus far) on my life. The preparation, anything - just ask. If you don't know me personally, ask in a comment. If you do, you know where to find me.

Not much to report

Not much to report. Still bored with the food I can eat. Still over a week away until I can puree grilled cheese and tuna into a mush to eat >.<

Didn't lose much weight in the past 24 hours but I was wondering when the weight loss would slow down. I did lose a little, but it wasn't a full pound. Oh well.

Still kinda tired, haven't heard back from the company I interviewed with (was supposed to get an email either Saturday or Sunday). So, no idea if it is just late, or if I haven't gotten to the second round. Either way, I'm sure it is for the best. If it is late, then yay - if it isn't, the job wasn't for me.

Tired as well. I was also craving soy sauce and salt last night. Ugh.

Yesterday's weight: 366
Current weight: 366
Weight Lost: 0 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 16 lbs

Good numbers

117 - that was my blood sugar level this morning (fasting) when i tested. Even better than the 134 the other day. I have found that it is incredibly difficult to get "excited" about eating right now. The limitations, the lack of diversity, etc - it all makes me kinda lethargic when it comes to eating. I know I need to get the protein in, but no matter how much I know that - I don't want to eat. I don't want another protein shake, I don't want another cream soup, I don't want another mousse, I just want to eat something semi-normal, or at least different. Cream of Wheat did the trick for a few days, but last night it was really clumpy and I couldn't eat it b/c of that, and it just kinda ruined it for me. Thank God on the 8th I get to start eating "pureed" foods, which basically means there will be a heck of a lot more variety. But even at that, I have to be on that until the end of the month, and I have a feeling that I will be sick of that by the end of the month. I just want to get back to eating food. I realize it is going to be small quantities, but there are foods that I have certainly eaten over and over and over again in the past.

Another hurdle is the 75g of protein I need a day. When i asked the dietitian the other day if the 75g was a permanent or temporary state, she said it was my requirement from here on out. Which, is kinda scary. But either way, right now, I could have some pudding (thinned down with milk) or some jello or something different, but it wouldn't give me much in the way of protein, and since I am only drinking between meals I am completely unable to have anything but something relatively high in protein. I don't have a clue how I'm going to be able to eat 75g of protein in a day with just 3 meals, 2 snacks and nothing in between. Sure there are plenty of high protein foods out there, but as it stands right now, I am pretty much sticking to protein foods and I'm having somewhat of a challenge getting to 75 unless I drink one or more of my protein shakes a day. Yeah, I have some special drinks that will give me protein between meals, but even that won't last forever (and they kinda suck when it comes to flavor).

Oh well. At least I'm losing weight, and I'm still eating. I just wish that I could get excited about what I'm eating so that it wouldn't be so hard to get myself to eat.

Yesterday's weight: 367
Current weight: 366
Weight Lost: 1 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 16 lbs

Grargh

Well the interview went well yesterday, but my stomach is upset today. Other than occasionally drinking more than I should, I haven't felt much abdominal pain after the first few days. This is rare, so those of you reading this thinking "Hey, Roux En Y isn't that bad" should realize that somehow I lucked out. I haven't been on any pain killers the past two days and unless something flares up, I think I'm out of the woods with the pain killers.

However, my stomach is just grargh. I don't know why, and I don't want to know why. Well, I'm sure it has something to do with the whole being cut up and stapled back together differently, lol.

But no matter the case, meds and first calcium chew are down, working on the good old protein shake and should have a weight report in a little while.

Yesterday's weight: 369
Current weight: 367
Weight Lost: 2 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 15 lbs

134

Well, I tested my blood sugar this morning when I first woke up and it was 134. Which is really good considering it hasn't been that good in a long time -and- I'm not on any of my diabetic medications. But, I can certainly say, things are still painful.

A lot of things have become easier, but using my abs to bend over, sit up, etc or laying down for a while on one of my sides really, really hurts. And since me and my son cuddle in the mornings after my wife leaves for work, his "wake up dad" kicks to the stomach are more annoying than usual.

Oh well. Yesterday was pretty rough, the kid was clingy and drove me nuts. Today he seems to be back to being happy with playing with everything he can get into and generally letting me just kinda watch over him. I know, some people think this is bad parenting, but he comes to me when he wants to be close, and plays with his toys when he wants to explore. I just make sure to keep him from hurting himself (or whatever he has decided to play with... such as the cat).

At any rate, I'll post my weight in a bit. Haven't gotten on the scale yet.

Yesterday's weight: 370
Current weight: 369
Weight Lost: 1 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 13 lbs

Yay!

Beneprotein got here today, yesterday, blah, on Wednesday. Why am I happy? Because it means I'm no longer stuck with just the recipes that I was given. I can add protein to virtually anything and it will help me meet my goal of 75g+ of protein a day that I need to have both from a nutritional and a recovery standpoint.

Going back and forth over the interview tomorrow while eating a lukewarm bowl of cream of wheat. With banana pureed in. And some beneprotein. And some splenda. Tastes pretty bland, but let me tell you - given the limitations of my diet up until now, bland is quite welcome.

At any rate, going back and forth. I know the job would be great to have, I need a job, my family needs me to have a job and all that jazz. But at the same time, I hesitate because I do not want to be in a small company again where it is so easy to fly by the seat of your pants rather than have a set of policies in place so that you know what needs to get done, and you can focus rather than having everything be questionable and potentially changed in 5 minutes.

Don't get me wrong, I'm adaptable and very good at dealing with unforeseen circumstances - but when you're in a creative field and you just spent an hour doing something only to have someone above you completely change their mind and tell you to scrap it, do something else, and by the way you're going to stay late to do it - well... it just isn't very nice. I much prefer things to be thought out ahead of time, given to me and that way I can prioritize. If something sudden comes up, I can switch no problem - but especially when what you do takes hours upon hours just to get something right a random change b/c of a new wind direction is very problematic.

At any rate, I am rambling. This really doesn't have much to do with the surgery. But, I will say this - normally when I would feel like this, I would emotionally eat. Chips, lemonade (sugar free, but still), popcorn - really anything I could scrounge up. I'd eat and eat and eat, and I'd end up feeling like crap and bloated and that would essentially make me stop thinking about it. Now I am eating because I have to, and rambling on a blog that nobody reads, lol.

The Boy is Back in Town

So, my son returned home last night from about a week with grandma & grandpa. Let me tell you, it is hard as hell to take care of a kid with the pain. Every time I try and bend over to pick him up I get sharp pains in my wounds and so it makes it hard to physically do anything with him. He also is quite demanding and that makes drinking fluids and eating when I'm supposed to very difficult. I'm sure it'll get better in time, but still.

As far as the appointment yesterday, the staples came out easily. I didn't realize staples were so easy to remove, lol. They took them out without any local anesthetic, and I barely felt anything.

Yesterday's weight: 371
Current weight: 370
Weight Lost: 1 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 12 lbs

Blech

I hate needles. With a passion. Actually, not with a passion. I just hate needles. I cringe and quiver at the very sight of them, even animated and on television. Yes, I dislike them that much. And yet, as I think I've said, I have to inject myself every day with a blood thinner. Well, it is over tomorrow, but that doesn't make the journey to this point any easier. Ick.

Anyway - I get my one wound taken care of today. When they did the surgery they left a Penrose drain in me to help prevent infection and all that jazz. It comes out today. I'd take a picture, but seriously folks, this is ugly. They glued all my other wounds (I have 5 total, 4 glued), but the one with the drain has staples. So, yeah. They get to take those out. And if you thought I hate needles (see, there was a reason I put that first) I hate stitches and staples even more. Nothing like feeling them tug on your skin. Ick.

Good news is, I'm doing well on my protein intake. I'm typically at or above the 75g per day they recommend for men, I'm getting all my calcium in, and I am not "hungry" when i eat or don't eat. Well, I am. I can feel my body requesting glucose and all that jazz, but to be quite honest I don't get the feeling of hunger. I do get abdominal cramps to some degree, and if I drink too much I pay for it in that it is very uncomfortable to move/breathe (not as bad as when I got out of surgery, but it is not a good feeling). After (perhaps before?) I get my drain and staples removed I am going to see a dietitian on site and they are going to go over what I've been eating and whatnot, and hopefully they'll be as pleased with it as I am. I hope that by the fact that I haven't really had a problem eating so far that I haven't somehow accidentally stretched anything out, or that they didn't leave the pouch bigger than they meant to. Both would mean that down the road I'd be capable of eating more, and half the point of the surgery was to limit my quantities forcefully.

Oh, and for those who may be wondering (probably not) the weight loss is since I've been home. Up until then I did not know my daily weight. However, before starting my liquid pre-op diet on August 2nd I weighed (in the doctors office on the 29th of july) 402. So, Since the 29th (less than a month ago) I've lost a whopping 31 lbs. I know that the weight loss won't continue like this forever, but is nice to drop all that weight at once. And no, it isn't water weight. I drink 64 oz of fluids every day and currently I'm not even exercising due to the wounds and pain. So I'm not losing water weight. However, my liver and other organs are possibly shrinking and I'm sure I'm losing some muscle and some fat. I will concede, however that since fat cells are mostly made up of water, it is in a way, water-ish weight.

Yesterday's weight: 373
Current weight: 371
Weight Lost: 2 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 11 lbs

Ouch?

I'm having indigestion (for the first time since the day after surgery) and it is QUITE uncomfortable. Or maybe the pain killers typically keep this away from me? I don't know. I ate/drank slower than normal so that doesn't seem to be it. I guess I'm just going to have to deal with it.

Oh, and I got an interview coming up. Interesting place for sure. If you know me personally I'd be happy to give you more information, but otherwise just rest assured that I've got an interview. Kinda weird. The last time I got a job was right after my wedding, and it happened pretty quickly. Then I lose my job before my child is born, have almost a full year to raise him, get this bariatric surgery and now I've got an interview. Almost as if there was a plan. Haha... anyway. Divine plan or comedy, I report - you decide.

Insta-edit: I guess the banana smoothie was a bit thicker (weird, b/c it was thinner than the mouse I eat) and was trapping some gas. Still uncomfortable, but definitely better.

Yesterday's weight: 374
Current weight: 373
Weight Lost: 1 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 9 lbs

First Shower

If you were wondering what that smell was, it was me. Fear of harming my wounds led me to avoiding showering, and I finally broke down as we're going to go to the store to get some things.

By the way. My wife has brought it to my attention that I did not do a good job of indicating how much she has done for me. I would not have gotten through all this without her. She was there the whole time in the hospital, she wiped my ass, helped me towel off just now. She has gotten me anything I've needed when I was in pain and has helped prepare meals for me since it hurts to stand for extended periods of time while bending and twisting (which is pretty much required when you're making things from scratch).

At any rate, I feel great... well, it makes me feel better to have a shower under my belt.

Oh, and The Invention of Lying was great until it became obvious that an Atheist wrote the script. That's all I'll say as any more than that would give away the movie.

Ugh? Yeah, Ugh.

Well, quite frankly, I "feel" better today, but I don't feel better today. I couldn't sleep last night because I had taken a nap (I felt kinda icky last evening).

But, today I woke up feeling particularly uncomfortable and in pain. Not hospital level pain, but pain none the less. So instead of the tylenol which I had tried (and had some mild success with yesterday) I went with the low dose of the stronger stuff and it has helped a lot.

I made Meg do the Wii Fit today. We're now watching the invention of lying. I haven't weighed myself yet, but as soon as I do I'll post my weight change.

Belching has gotten slightly better, I think that as long as I exhale before I drink I will do better, but it isn't a sure win. I hope the aches and pains go away, the pain killers have really helped though today.

Yesterday's weight: 377
Current weight: 374
Weight Lost: 3lbs
Total Weight Lost: 8lbs

Belching

Ugh. Belching. They said I'd do it. They said I'd take in gas and whatnot. They said the surgery left gas in me that my body would get rid of for some period of time (which I don't remember the time frame).

Today (and to a lesser extent yesterday) I have belched far more than I want to. I don't honestly care, it usually doesn't hurt (the occasional hiccup-burp hurts) but when the gas is in my stomach it makes me feel bloated and much more full than I am. It gets to be a big pain in the rear when I need to be "eating" my fluids and I feel like I'm full (certainly NOT something I should be feeling at any time, I should never eat to full, just satisfied). Usually though, getting up and walking around alleviates the issue and I quickly find myself able to finish up my meal.

And for those who are wondering, no, I can't just gulp down things, nor do I. I don't take large drinks at a time, they're small sips that I take every 10-15 min and it takes me upwards of 45 min to an hour to drink 8 oz of "food".

I sure hope this passes.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

Today is interesting so far. My body still seems to want me to eat before it'll have a bowel movement, so that is fun. More importantly the level of pain that I am experiencing is pretty low again. I was able to move around (and get out of bed) much more easily than I had previously. I haven't taken any pain killers yet today even though I am in pain as I want to try and avoid taking them during the day if I don't have to (My wife is getting some regular tylenol for me to try). I'm going to let myself have the stronger stuff at night so that I can sleep and be well rested for the next day, but I am going to (as said) try and avoid the strong stuff during the day unless I can't handle it anymore.

I still hate giving myself these shots of blood thinner though. I intensely hate needles, oh how I hate needles.

I have also gotten a meal and some fluid in, and should be eating not too long from now. I was happy to see after the morning breakfast and my "bathroom time" I weighed 377. Which, if I'm not mistaken, is about 5 lbs less than yesterday. I'm sure I'll post later if anything major happens, but it seems as though the pain is really starting to subside and overall I'm becoming much more adjusted to everything. It is too bad that it still hurts to take deep breaths and my shoulders ache.

Yesterday's weight: 382
Current weight: 377
Total Weight Lost: 5lbs

Crawling under my skin?

Much easier to do things. I also had to do one of the single most disturbing things ever. Even thinking about it still makes my skin crawl. They had put a pain killer auto-pump system in during surgery. Well, it was out of pain killer so it was time to pull out the small tubes. Well, just so you can all have your skin crawl - I could feel the tubes as I pulled them out pass under my skin. blech. At any rate, after that, and just one pain killer (had been taking 2 previously) I felt up to going for a walk to get the mail. Got the mail and went back to the house to relax and stay awake. Feeding myself, and preparing the food to do said feeding, was still painful but not horrible. I was very happy with the fact that I was able to both meet (and exceed) my 64oz fluid intake, but also meet my 75g of protein intake. The only real complaint of the day is that my abdomen has really started to ache since the removal of the pain killer pump. It also doesn't help that I tend to bounce my legs when sitting meaning I am typically shaking my belly. I'm not in danger of hurting my wounds, but it more is just irritating them and causing them to hurt more than normal. The day ended with me taking a pain killers (1 tab) pretty regularly so that I could handle sleeping. Which I was eventually (at 3am) able to do.

Going Home!

Third day in hospital, projected date of discharge. Deep breaths still hurt (the breathing apparatus they had for me was still painful but normal breathing was not). I was still on pain killers every 4 hours to help me basically be as active as possible but it was advised that I try and ween myself off the stronger stuff ASAP (which I already planned to do, I've been on strong pain killers for years and have learned it is best to use them sparingly for many reasons, I have had back pain and a 30 tablet supply usually lasts me 6 months to a year). At any rate, I figured I'd try and ween off of them, but I am sure not going to keep myself from being able to be active just so that I'm taking less. As they want me active to help accelerate the healing process (and weight loss process). I got discharged around noon and it hurt to walk around still and let me tell you - the bumpy roads around town were not very much fun (nor my wife's driving). But I got home and all was good. I was even able to meander into the office of our apartment complex to get something that had been shipped to us and say hello. I went home, tried to figure some things out, ate and then went to bed. Woke up, figured out when I'd need to be eating and started getting down to business, and by that I mean not doing much. Oh well. It went pretty quickly but sleeping in a flat bed and only being able to be on my right side or back (back is bad as it increases my pain in my lower back). So my right arm was asleep for quite a while.

Oh Poo... Or not...

I had peed the day before (yes, I'm blogging about urine). But no bowel movements so far. I was still having a horrible time breathing but it was getting better. The intense itching was driving me insane. I was given clear liquids to eat (broth, jello and some hot tea) and we even switched from pain killers through the IV to pills so that hopefully it would help with the itchiness. Still in the hospital, they were constantly checking my vitals and making me walk around. It was annoying, but comforting as I didn't have to worry much about anything except trying to breathe. I liked sleeping mainly b/c I could be on my CPAP and that basically made things immeasurably better. Either which way, the day came and went and I finally had a bowel movement later that night. I kept getting told I'd be passing gas (i was belching plenty, but nothing out the other end). Nurses (and even the doctors the next morning) found it a very good sign that I was already doing that. I was just god damn happy that things were starting to get easier from a breathing standpoint. All the other pain was easily under control given the pain killers I was on, but since breathing is so vital to life and all that and it was so painful, I was happy to have it getting back to normal. By the end of the day I was able to speak again, and much to my wife's dismay I started chatting it up.

Post-OP Thoughts

Besides the fact that I wanted to kill whatever nurse was telling me "moaning won't help you feel better, now cough for me" (I suppose not a direct quote, I was in the surgery recovery area and quite out of it); anyways, besides the anger expressed due to being on a high dosage of god only knows what and being told what to do when moaning did help me (personally) feel better... Anyway, it f****** hurt to breathe! OMG. I knew my abdomen was going to hurt, it was going to hurt like hell. I knew that it was going to hurt to move, think or basically do just about anything. But the last laparoscopic surgery I went through (gall bladder) was painful, but honestly, I could breathe. I seriously did not see that coming. And it was bad. My O2 levels kept dropping because I couldn't do much but take very shallow breaths and it hurt so much I didn't really want to do that very often. They said this was normal, and it is worse for some people and better for others. By the end of the first day I was unable to talk, as I had realized that every got 100x worse whenever I would talk. Everyone seems to think this was a good thing. I seem to think they are jerks. Thank the heavens for pain killers. Although this lead to something completely different... itching... which was better, but it kept me up. Oh well, I dealt with that. I was up and on my feet within a very short time of me fully becoming aware of my surroundings as they said it would help accelerate the gas they used getting out of my system (and helping me breathe better). Oh well. I finally got to sleep the majority of the night. On the pain killers & CPAP it wasn't so bad.

Pre-OP Surgery Day

Posting after the fact, but this was the day of the surgery

Pre-OP: I was not nervous going into the surgery, though as it has always been, I've been kinda apprehensive about changing the physical structure of my body. Getting the roux-en-y isn't easy to begin with, but I'm basically spitting in the face of eons of evolution. Of course, evolution didn't get a chance to work out the "sits on your rear end and eats way too much" lifestyle.